I know I'm not outstanding, be it looks,  in whatever I do, as a person in general. But if so, Why can't you just be honest and tell me I haven't been doing well? Why all the patronizing words or looks? Why do you not just say you've done a bad job period.

It just rips me.

I go out with a group of friends, everyone will be talking, I feel redundant. 

I go to a session, the presenter knows everyone by name by the end of the session besides me, I feel redundant. 

We do a group project, I get my portion juSt so that everyone has something to do, not because I'm needed, I feel redundant. 

I'm redundant. I know I am.

I wonder how I am still doing what I am doing,  being such a burden to everyone I know. I feel like extra baggage you have to lug around even though you don't like it but you feel obliged to. I can't contribute, I'm not liked.

Let's just be honest, if I never existed wouldn't it be better for everyone else?